you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
