I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
