Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
