Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
