dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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