Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
