I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
