I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the raccoons are back...
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