my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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