i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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