And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
