The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
