I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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