yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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