so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
