I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
