What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize