ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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