The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
