I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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