I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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