So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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