Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Holy shit dude........stairs
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