my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
