Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
