Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
