Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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