found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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