I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
