I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
