Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
