So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
whose parrot is this?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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