Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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