I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
