Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
