By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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