You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
