you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
