At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
