You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
