You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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