***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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