im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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