ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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