You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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