i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
