I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
