never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
