I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
