he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
