i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
