We're facebook friends in real life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
