There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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