Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
