god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
