You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
