im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
