nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
