I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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