I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
