he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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