if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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