My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
