can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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