Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
