Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
